Monday, August 9, 2010

Special Days

There are some events in a young girl's life that they never forget--and leave them changed forever.

For instance, the time about three years ago when all the people on our dirt road decided to get together for a "block party." What this meant was that, since our house was located on this road, we were qualified to attend a gathering of lonely, socially deprived people, sitting in lawn chairs, holding styrofoam plates of food, staring at each other with hungry eyes. I'm what you would call an introverted person. I was dragged to aforementioned party whimpering just moments after my teddy bear was ripped from my fingers. A flogging or a bath in warm acid would have been preferable for me. We drove a few miles down the road to the destination of our party. I watched the billows of dust rise into the air behind our car and hoped that my dread was unfounded.

All I'm gonna say is that I hate it when I'm right.

A few minutes into our visit, I met a very sweet and ambitious elderly lady who determined after our brief exchange that I was her grandson's soul mate. We spoke for several minutes about how ravenously wonderful and attractive her grandson was, as well as how compatible I would be with said Prince Charming (the fact that I owned an ATV sealed his heart).

P. Charming showed up about an hour later. How can I describe him?
About 5'8. Oily. Relatively overweight. Oozing with bad attitude.

We were introduced and Mr. Charming looked at me as though he would enjoy seeing lightning bolts strike me in the face. Apparently this was not the first time Grandma had played matchmaker for him and he didn't like the look of me or my face. He took one look at me and found something else to do. I praised God as he escaped me, to the chagrin of his grandmother.

The funniest part of this story is when Grandma tracked him down and spoke to him very forcefully and aggressively. It was undoubtedly about me because immediately afterwards he gave me a withering death glare and returned to his friends.

My evening culminated in a vigorous game of "Gotcha" with the golden retriever chained up in the backyard.

Of course, there are other memorable days in a young girl's life. Like the time when I learned that my brother and I had been using the same toothbrush for some weeks without either of us realizing it.

When your routines never cross, bad things can happen.

Bring it on, life.

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