Friday, April 30, 2010

"Meaningless! Meaningless! Everything is meaningless..."

I have a Twitter account and watch the news sometimes, so I consider myself moderately up-to-date on what is captivating and beguiling my fickle generation. The teenage girl who regards her iPad with greater zeal than the man in the pulpit, the self-absorbed kindergartener that colors during praise and worship, and the baby that will be encouraged their entire life to "see the world and make their own decision about religion" are the men and women who will be running the country and ultimately deciding the spiritual atmosphere of our nation.

For those of you who felt a swell of indignation towards these inattentive little devils, here's my question: can you blame them?

Church is flipping boring!

God is incredibly exciting.

We have given our kids two bored with religion or give yourself to the shifting, vaporous, but brightly colored(!) secular world.

Here's my second question: did Jesse McCartney die or is he just not Justin Bieber? Did Rick Springfield fall into a wood chipper or is he just not Jesse McCartney? (Come to think of it, he was into Jessie's Girl. That will be very funny for a few elite.)

The more I think about it, the more I want dip my head in a vat of boiling acid. Listen to me, you people on the earth: you want--you need--to feel something. The Church has betrayed you so deeply for not offering you what would truly unlock your heart.

So what's going to set off the spark in your soul? God. The real God who doesn't care much about what chair, church, body, or country you're in, but cares alot about what you give your attention to.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Inspiration for your day

Without question, the most meaningful painting of all time.

(My deepest apologies to art lovers)

Things they didn't tell me about braces

Yes--I have a lovely overbite and a mouth full of metal to compensate. Dentists and hygienists are the sweetest, most precious, awful, frustrating little people I've ever had the pleasure of sitting still beside as they shoved their gloved hands into my mouth. It's a great way to meet new people. I think the best part is when the dentist begins to tell the hygienist about his weird voicemails that week as, he highly unawares, the edge of the tiny mirror in his hand begins a slow journey to the bones in my gums.

What's even better is when my jaw is dislocating from opening my mouth so wide, and the hygienist asks me a question about my family or tells me a funny joke. I then request for them to remove my lower jaw and set it aside for later.

Considering braces? Here's what you need to know:

1. Can't fit your teeth together? Have to fend off starvation with mashed potatoes and tomato soup? That's perfectly normal!'ll lose weight!

2. Those little white sores in your mouth that burn like a kiss from the dark side? They're called canker sores. Use your provided wax.

3. You will want to refrain from engaging in sports that engage your face, including horseplay. Someone could unwittingly get the inside of your cheeks caught on the precarious wires sticking out of your brackets, etc. This is also perfectly normal and again calls for wax.

As you can obviously tell, I am perfectly enchanted with my braces.